We can just go. We'll just see what happens. OK. So I'm thinking about this
liberation narrative for people because-- it's hard to think about
liberation and what liberation is and what it looks like
because I don't know if we have a clear understanding of what
liberation-- because we always equate it to freedom. And it's like this
thing that we attain. And once we attain
it, it's done. But, I think, liberation's
a little bit more than that. I think we keep moving
toward liberation. I think liberation is something
that is always being created and always like
something-- liberation is truly like the freedom
to not only have freedom but to continue to speak
truth in a way that allows us freedom, right? And so I think
about this exhibit in that way of like this is
a first step for many people and sometimes this
is a middle step. And who knows where any of
us are in this process when we think about
how our narratives and how we've been
constructed as humans, how we have grown into spaces. For me a black woman to be
at an institution like this. I remember coming
into NC State and not feeling like I
belonged, like I was not supposed to be a part
of this institution, not supposed to be a part
of a doctoral program, not finding community. One of the first
things my advisor said is, find your people. And I was like, what the fuck? Do you know how hard it is to
find your people, especially as an introvert? I don't talk to people. And so to be able to think about
what that means as someone who grew up really shy,
then introverted, and has a host of
marginalized identities, I always list them all out. Kind of like Audrey does. You know, fat,
black, queer, woman at an institution like
this that does not is not built to suit
someone like me. Well, I'm a freshman here too. So at first when I got
here-- even right now I feel like it's
like a lot of clicks. And when I first got
here, I was like, oh no. I don't know who I'm going
to be able to talk to. And my school is
pretty diverse too, but this is way more
diverse than what I thought it would be. So now I'm also introvert,
but I feel like around people that I'm comfortable with that
I'm somewhat of extrovert. But I'm not comfortable
around anyone yet to even show that side. What would comfort
look like for you? I'm very silly. I also talk a lot about
stuff that I like when I'm comfortable with someone. And I don't know. So you're able to
show up as yourself. Yeah. Comfort looks like
showing up as Jerrica in a space that allows
you to be silly, to share the things
that you care about, to share the things
that you like. I think that's what
a lot of us want. And, I think, sometimes we
have to just create that space, like the women of color retreat. That centered completely
around showing up taking space claiming
space everywhere you go. Because you pay a whole
hell of a lot of money to be at this institution. And as much money as
we spend to be here, to be students here, and
then also not including the things that we invest
in, you better damn sure treat it like home
because this is where you're going to be
for the next four years. And ain't nobody going
to give it to you. So part of it is, you
have to be able to take that space for yourself. And so we talk about that a lot
at the women of color retreat. But I think about that in terms
of what you were just saying. You just want to show
up as you are, and feel comfortable in that,
and feel like you're going to be accepted. And I think that's what a lot
of students are looking for. And that's, hopefully,
what we create space for, but sometimes you also
got to just take it. You just got to step out
there and faith and say, you know what? I'm a just show up
as Jerrica today. And that's what I started doing. The first year was really hard. The second year I
found more community, because I started working
in the Women's Center. And I started there as a GA. And as a GA-- well, you know I'm
an older student. So I'm not your typical
aged doctoral student. But I have already worked and
counseled and all that stuff. And so, I was in a better place. But I can't imagine coming into
that as a first year student, and not having the
experiences that I had, to come into a
second year and start to be able to find community,
although my community was not in my program, my
academic program. My community was in places
like the counseling department, or in psychology,
like community psych, or it was in the
community centers. Because these are people
who were doing work that was very much centered
and focused on the stuff that I was doing. They were about
liberation of all people. And they were taking this
intersectionality framework and really using it
in the intended way to interrogate the gaps so
that we can get free and stay free and continue to critique,
and challenge, and question. And when doing that we were
taking up space, space that's not intended for us to take up. And so part of that is
like, how would you do that? You already created
a whole video. You created a whole video
and talked about this. So what does that
even mean for you? How can you do that? How do you challenge yourself? That's what I still
have trouble with. I feel like sometimes-- I don't know. Sometimes I feel
like I'm like lost. But I don't really talk
about that too much, as much as I should. I kind of just go with the flow. And I've have been
doing that for so long that I don't even know. It's like I know what I
want but then I don't. And then it's like I don't know
how to express what I want, if I don't know what I
want but then I think I do. So it's really confusing. Like in terms of me
understanding myself, I still don't know. I don't know what
is going on with me. What if you just tried it? What's the worst
that can happen? Say you came into
the Women's Center and you just made a joke. You just said the silly
thing that came to mind. What's the worst
that could happen? Everyone look at
me like I'm crazy. And then what? I guess that's it. I mean-- What if one person laughs? That person could
be your person. But you would never know
because you didn't show up. Maybe that person was having
the same thought as you. You ain't gone find your path
in your first year, girl. I know. But you can start to create it. So I think I'm just so used
to being in my comfort zone that I'm not-- I'm just scared
to get out of it. That's a real thing. Yeah. I just really feel scared
of not being accepted. Even though I don't care
about being accepted. But I still feel
fear of judgement. And that's just from my
own personal insecurities from over the years. But I'm starting
to come to terms with everyone is not going to
like what I say or what I do. So I should just start
saying it and doing it. It's a process though. And sometimes you've got to
take it at your own pace. I think we all come to a place
of being afraid of judgment. I do that all the day--
like all day every day, because everything that we do,
especially is people of color, we have to be afraid of how
it's going to be perceived. If I wear my hair
a certain way, if I paint my nails a certain
color, if they're all different rainbow
colors versus just one solid like
blue, there's always perceptions about
what that means. Because the world has
this one story of us that's not congruent with
our identity, of who we are, and how we want to be, how
we want to express ourselves in authentic ways. But if we never refute that
narrative, if we never say, this is who I actually am. If I just let you
assume because I like to have three different
colors on my fingernails that, that means that I must
be ratchet and uneducated and all these other things. Never mind the fact that
I just like shiny things. Then if I never refute
that narrative then I also perpetuate a
culture that is never going to be held
accountable for thinking, and for systems, and for
practices, that further stigmatize not just
me but also people who look like me and also
people who look like them. Unless we're all free
none of us are free. And that's important
for us to recognize in the liberatory practice,
is that liberation is really for all, because everybody-- Some people think that they
hold power, and in this power, there's only one source
of it, and they have it. We all have power. We're all empowered. We just don't use
it in the same way. And so part of that is
just telling our story, and just showing up,
and being who we are. And that's hard, and it's
going to be challenging. And we might fear rejection. And that rejection may actually
happen because this is-- the world is not
always a safe place. And we just have to be cognizant
of who we share ourselves with and make sure
we're sharing ourselves with people who value
us, and who look like us, and who love us. So what do you want to see? What would your liberatory
world look like? Everyone being themselves
without fear and judgment. And [INAUDIBLE] I
think that sums it up because even within that it's
like they can dress however they want. They can wear their
hair however they want. They can look
however they weren't. They can like whoever they want. So I think that's what
mine would look like. That sounds beautiful. Thank you. I want to live your world. I wish I could live in mine too. But you can. But you can.